The walk of shame
Last week I was lucky enough to catch up with some great old friends and enjoyed a few days of eating more relaxed and a few days with limited and less intense training. This resulted in me feeling pretty sluggish come Saturday morning. I got up anyway and started off on my scheduled long run. I thought that the sluggish feeling would pass once I got warmed up and I would settle in to my run. I managed to complete about 3kms before I started to feel really awful and my stomach was about to turn up-side down. After a quick toilet stop I really didn’t have any desire to keep running – so I decided to walk. Yes you read right, I decided that I would just walk out the rest of my session.
What’s the problem you might be asking. Well you see, I haven’t walked in a very long time – unless it’s along a beach or in a shopping mall. When I am training – I run. I don’t walk, if I get tired I just run slower, I don’t walk. So here I was walking, and I don’t know if it was in my head, or if it was real, but immediately I felt different. I was more distracted, looking around more and noticing my surrounding, but most interesting was that I noticed no-one really looked at me like they do when I am running. A few runners came towards me, there was no nod of understanding or approval, I even felt that other walkers weren’t paying me too much attention. I started to feel self-conscious and uncomfortable.
What the heck was happening.
I walked for about another 20minutes feeling like this the whole time, I just wanted to go home. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything and my cool factor was at an all time low. I started to feel a bit better and decided to run the last 25 minutes, immediately I turned a corner in the path and there was an oncoming runner, he gave me the “nod of understanding” and I knew I was back in the cool gang. I got home feeling a bit off and disappointed with myself. I felt like I wasted a training session, and I also felt bad about feeling bad for walking. A doubled edged sword.
I guess I just had one of those moments where I was being way to hard on myself…but hey come on, I’m not alone right? I think in particular women are extremely hard on themselves and often when things don’t go completely to plan or as we expected we are left feeling not good enough. After my “not so perfect” training run I felt that nasty little feeling deep inside called “self-doubt”. You know the one that says things like, “why are you doing this – you’re never going to win anything anyway” or “you’re training a lot but not really improving, you just must not be one of those people who can’t be really good at sport”. It says a lot of other nasty things too but I don’t really want to go there.
Luckily over the years I have become a lot more connected with my thought processes and reactions to situations. I immediately recognised that I still have a few issues with not feeling good enough or meeting my own or other people s expectations. I know this is ridiculous, but it’s true. We do it often when we compare ourselves with others, and social media such as Facebook that only show the “highlight reels” of peoples lives make you believe that all your friends are living theses amazingly fantastic and perfect lives- but there is always a back story. So in the usual way of the universe the next day I stumbled across a blog that suggests 7 things to remember when you are feeling not good enough. Here they are:
1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people
2. Your mind can be a very convincing liar
3. There is more right with you than wrong with you
4. You need love the most, when you feel you deserve it the least
5. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later”
6. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you have come rather than how far you have left to go
7. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.
The last one is my favourite.
The full blog please click here http://www.trulymind.com/7-things-to-remember-when-you-think-youre-not-good-enough-2/